Today

Today is a low day. Yesterday, just outside of William’s school, a car jumped far over the curb and struck a women my age and she died. I am quite sure from her photos in the paper that I knew her from the library. She was just walking down the street on a sunny day. It’s beyond horrible.

I had coffee this morning with a good friend and then took Bingo for a long walk. I listened to a podcast I’d never listened to before. It is called Committed and it was perfect. The podcast is about marriage and the millions of things that it can be. This episode was about a couple who’s five month old daughter had been diagnosed with cancer. Six months later – six long, impossible months later – she was fine. The couple tells their story and talks about how it could have broken them but it didn’t and see it as their second chance as a family and how incredible that is for them. Needless the say I was happy to be wearing a baseball hat and large sunglasses while I walked and cried.

So it’s been a day of thinking of what matters, and not just does it matter that I read far more than I clean. Just this weekend Scott and I were talking about how much time we spend with our children because they need us. We talked about trying to live more in the moment and relish this. Our kids may not be as independent as other 11 and almost 14 years olds are and that’s fine. They love us so much and they appreciate and thank us for helping them and for loving them so much back. It’s pretty fierce this love in our house sometimes and not that is isn’t in yours, of course it is. but in our house we spend hours and hours today, sometime not doing much. Often time is spent just getting through the minutes because things are hard. But instead of wishing this wasn’t the case, wishing we could have more time to ourselves, we try to hold on (to each other as well) and enjoy it. Our kids are so funny and wonderful to be with. We are such a strong unit and we know things will change one day, that our kids will get older, learn more coping skills and will want to be on their own, and when that happens, that’ll be good. But for now, when really none of us knows what tomorrow’s going to throw at us anyway, we really want to be here, with them and very much with each other.