So there are good things.

We are on week four of being inside because of covid-19 and we’re ok. I did have a week (two weeks ago) when my back went out and I was in bed mostly except when my husband walked/carried me to the bathroom. During those moments my back rolled with spasms that reminded me of contractions but there was no beautiful baby waiting for me at the end of the pain. But I did manage to watch most of Workin‘ Moms, all of Netflix’s Feel Good (which is fantastic) and the best memory (besides reading and propping myself up enough to eat Scott and Rory’s homemade cinnamon buns) of that week was the night Sarah Harmer did a live concert on Instagram and I cried and sang my way through it, loving the feeling of being both 22 and 43 at the same time. For some reason, remembering myself over the year felt really important during that first week.

Now, my back is still sore and Scott’s has gone out. Our kids are being incredible and helping and mostly just keeping us happy, so we surprised them with takeout crappy pizza the other night and you’d have thought it was Christmas. Poor Scott and I hobble/race each other to the advil while the kids are happy (how did this happen?) to do their homework. I know it sounds weird, but we had so many very hard months with trying to get school to happen and now so much pressure is off and learning can be fun again. We set up at our kitchen sometime between breakfast and lunch (often still in pjs), with laptops, books and a pot of tea and just get at it. I’m even writing again, working of something that is bring me so much joy! The sun is pouring in. I can breathe easier now that my Nana is living with my aunt and uncle instead of at her nursing home right now and I’ve gotten her to fall in love with Iona Whishaw’s Lane Winslow mystery series.

I couldn’t read for the first week, it was really being stuck in bed that forced me back to it and now things feel right(ish) again. We started watching The Good Place with the kids. It will definitely be nice when Scott and I are feeling better, but we’re getting there and without checking my phone for news updates every five minutes.

Things are alright, enough so that I won’t complain about how the grocery store is out of Mini Eggs or how much I would love some flowers.